ETERNAL TRUTHS
Page 3
CAUTION TEACHERS!  CHILDREN AHEAD:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
By now an irritated little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's  Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room sang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
( Children, not yet straight jacketed by our thinking of what is proper tend to say what they think right)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,  "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow's voice from the back rang out, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
( It seems the child was feed up of hearing that he was empty headed.)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
VIST AH! AHOY!

Every release has seen hype and hyping at its best.
After haveing a look at what 'VIST-AH!' has to offer:
*This is the O.S ( Suggesting no future spendings) for the future. It can make dumb people talk but morons who don't have the money to spend $400 on the Ultimate version. Plus $250 on a new video card. Plus $200 and some more RAM. A couple hundred more on a new hard drive will not br able to use it.
*You'll feel like you're in a exclusive club. A club, you know? Like that club where Micro-------- keeps kicking you in the butt soooo cool!!
*(Customer Support) People will help you for no reason......other than charging you money. Certainly not us! And IF anyone were to provide free support, it would be terrible and full of flaws, right? Right? Remember all the good things in life are NOT free.
*You'll be able to ignore most viruses. VIST-AH! OneCare does a fantastic job of ignoring them so that will not be a problem!
*You'll have some compatibility problems. Micr---- office is 99% compatible with Vista and since that's the only thing you'll ever use, who cares? .... Er there are other programs too! Dont worry they will come around to join the bandwagon... at a cost of course!
*The Internet will be mostly the same. Except for the viruses. And the hackers. And the security flaws. We like to think that Vist-ah! features a more rich, real-life experience to the Internet. However, once in a blue moon you'll find a frustrating page that refuses to work with Internet Explorer. It's obviously a fake scammer trying to rob you or something. Stay away from that page.
*You'll be continually amazed at the fit and finish. Haha you'll be amazed to find it!
*Built in anti stress capability. You'll have a few "damn it!" moments. But most will be gone once you reboot! And what can be more satisfying than rebooting a computer? You can take the time to go out for coffee, stretch a little. In fact, it's therapeutic! It's a new feature we call: "Micro---- Anti-carpal Tunnel Syndrome Therapy Software 2k7, Anti-stress Edition."
*The great "ah-ha" moments. Yup, we have those too! Just fire up IE and go to this link here. You can have your A-ha moments at any given moment. Beat that Steve Jobs!
*Better keyboard shortcuts. I have an uncle with 14 fingers on each hand and he has no problem at all! Besides, we've changed the annoying ctrl+alt+del to "winkey + 1", how's that for customer service?
*You'll regret your purchase, but we'll get over it.Sorry I meant that you'll get over it. After having spent a lot of money on new hardware etc. I mean.
*You'll actually have to plan your reboots. We suggest you plan them every hour or so just to keep things healthy! Please read the manual for "Micro---- Anti-carpal Tunnel Syndrome Therapy Software 2k7, Anti-stress Edition." You'll thank us later.
*You'll get more things done. That why we have "Micro---- Anti-carpal Tunnel Syndrome Therapy Software 2k7, Anti-stress Edition." So you can go pick up the kids. Play soccer with them. Go online for some Gears of War carnage. Stuff that matters.
*You'll play pretty well on a Windows network. So stay away from those icky Mac or Ubuntu networks. They can't even get Internet Explorer to work there. What good can they be?
*TO REGISTER YOUR SOFTWARE WE NEED YOUR Fingerprints and DNA for Vista AH!
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